Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Gum vs Gun

A battle for the ages!

Ladies and gentlement, welcome to Tuesday Afternoon at the Fights!

First we had dinosaur verses penguin, then shark verses lion, then man verses robot, and then a rematch between dinosaur and penguin. But today, all of these pale in comparison. Today the world will witness gum verses gun.

Yes that's right. If you thought the battle between shark and lion was intense, just watch as two brave sticks of gum go head to head against a gun. Who will come out on top? 1989 Bowman gum? 2009 Heritage gum? Or the underdog, the .177 caliber round?

In our first match, filmed in black and white, we have the twenty year veteran, 1989 Bowman Gum. He's spent the last two decades stuck to the back of John Dopson and hasn't seen the light of day in 20 years. The seclusion has left him tough as kevlar and hard as a ballistic trauma plate. This is his moment in the sun.

What an upset! The hardened veteran will never be the same again.

In our second and final match, this one filmed in dazzling color for your viewing pleasure, we have the fresh faced rookie, just two months into his career. Will his overwhelming freshness and flexibility be enough to help him dodge the round coming towards him at close to 500 feet per second from a scant eight yards away? Watch and find out.

Another upset! He tried to get out of the way and took the first shot off the edge. But after our ill-prepared gun man had a chance to reload and gather himself, the second shot prooved fatal.

The clear winner here is the gun. But in this announcer's opinion, 2009 Heritage Gum didn't perform up to expectations.

Join us next time there's something to be shot for another episode of Tuesday Afternoon at the Fights.


MMayes said...

I dare you to try tossing one of your knives at the gum. Which will fare best, Brittle Bowman or Heritage?